Four years ago today I thought my world had ended and I was going to die. Four years ago this hour is when I sat sobbing on my kitchen floor, trying to somehow comprehend the meaning of those three words I had heard earlier that day.

On July 5, 2001 at 10 am I found out I was HIV+. Four years ago today.

And every year that followed that date, for every celebration of Independence Day, I reflected on how that news affected my life, how it had changed the very core of me and how it altered every aspect around me. Four years ago today I was scared, angry, confused and lost.

Today I am empowered, confident, secure and joyful about all that has changed in my life because of those exact same three words. Today I am employed because of those three words. Today I am packing up my life and moving to a new city. Today I celebrate my anniversary as the day that created a whole new dream for me. A dream I actually get to live out and not die for. A lot has changed since that morning of July 5th 2001.

Today I know that no matter where I end up or what happens to me, there is a place I can go to where I know I am loved, wanted and respected. Today I know that if I should ever need to escape the insanity of the world or find an understanding ear, all I have to do is to go home. Home to Tarzana Treatment Centers. A place that taught me not only how to survive these last 4 years, it also taught me how to start living again. The people I have met through TTC are friends that love me for who I am now, faults and all. The love, friendship, support, guidance and encouragement I received each time I walked into the lobby is what, at first, kept me alive and then gave me the courage to grow as a person.

In those first years, whenever I looked at how my life was before this date I would sigh and wishfully dream I had it all back. I wondered what my life would be like now, where I would be now, if I had never heard those three words.

Today, four years later, I look back at that same old life and am thankful that it is no longer my life. I am grateful for all I have learned in these last 4 years. I am grateful and blessed to have made such amazing new friends. I am lucky to be where I am, to have the opportunities I have available to me, today, because of those same three words.

Independence Day is past, so is my old life. Maybe that is why this year; I waited until the day after to write. Because I write for my future, not my past.

My name is Sven.